Uber Notification                                17m ago

Your Uber license plate (HMY7354), car (Silver Honda Civic) is arriving now. The driver will wait 2 minutes, after which they will give a firm honk. After 4 minutes, the driver will try calling you. After 8 minutes, the driver will roll down their window and start yelling your name repeatedly. At the 10-minute mark, the driver will intersperse “Fuck” into the name yelling. For example, “Fuck Steven Fuck Steven, Fuck!” If your driver is kept waiting for 15 minutes, it is Uber policy that they may use your bathroom, like it or not. Our drivers all have IBS and are incredibly impatient. The driver will wait outside of your door for 2 minutes without knocking, after which, they will shit underneath your doormat.

Uber Eats Notification                              now

Your food has been successfully dropped off!