My family jewels have been protected for many years now, and I think it’s about time I do like my friends and say “no cap” to my crotch. Every time I match with a girl on Tinder, I tell her that I am a complete dick. I’m just trying to let her know that I’m uncircumcised, but for some reason they always unmatch with me. I’m done living this lifestyle, and the profit I get from selling my dick cheese to my best friend’s dad isn’t even worth it anymore. 

Not just anyone is allowed to get their hands on my genital turtleneck, though. I have a strict set of requirements for anyone looking to come anywhere close to my hood (and I’m not talking about my neighborhood, it’s actually a lovely gated community) They are as follows:

• Must have a secure location to perform the operation: I’m obviously somewhat embarrassed of my condition, so anywhere very private and/or secluded is ideal. Extra points to anyone with a mobile station (like a van or something like that) in case someone sees us.
• Access to strong sedatives: I’m a bit of a nervous guy, and I’ve never been circumcised before. I want something that can knock me out cold so you can do whatever you need to do to me in order to get the job done. 
• Aged 65 or older: I really want someone with a lot of experience with boys like me to perform the operation.
• Treats after: My favorite part about going to the dentist is getting the toy after my appointment. Something like that for after the circumcision would be great. Feel free to have any toys, candy, games, etc. ready for me. 

If interested and matching the criteria, please shoot me an email at AmericanPedophileWatch@yahoo.com. I’ll be doing some interviews in person, and then I’ll let you know if you make the final cut ;)