It’s the little things you hold most dear when you’re reminded of your own mortality. So, when the rare moment comes about that you can kneel down and press pause on life for a second, you take it. 

As I enjoyed one of these moments, I was startled when I heard gunshots down the hill to my east. I quietly walked over to a better vantage point where I could see the source of all the noise… an enemy dressed in standard battle gear (like, painfully standard). He continued to fire off round after round, unleashing all the ammo he had in a gun powder-fueled fury. The only thing was that he was aiming into the ground. I had never seen that before, and it terrified me. This guy’s motives were beyond my comprehension. I was about to turn and book it back to where I came from until all of a sudden, the shooting stopped. An eerie silence sank over the battlefield as the echo from the last shot died away. 

Neither one of us moved a muscle. I was frozen in place. Curious but cautious. He looked up suddenly to the hill opposite of me. He took one step forward and turned. Then he turned and took another step forward. Then he did like a weird side strafe maneuver or something. For god’s sake, I think I might have even seen him list lazily to the left, but the mind can play tricks when subjected to extreme stress. Either way his erratic movement was unpredictable and disturbing and only made me more inclined to retreat. 

I started to slowly back away, trying not to cause too much of a disturbance when he violently whipped his body around. He locked me into his sights immediately and pulled the trigger without hesitation... But it was the trigger of his shotgun and he was still almost 200 meters away. “You evil bastard,” I thought to myself. This guy was in my head, and we both knew it. I needed to get out of there immediately, so I turned around like I should have earlier and refocused myself on my objective.

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My mission had been simple enough. Win. Do whatever had to be done… but at all costs… win. All I had to do was head south towards my partner. He had been injured and I had to patch him up before we could make our escape. I checked my water canteen. 10 jagged lines. 1 for each of those vile motherfuckers wearing the wrong uniform. The town I had just come from was filled with them, and I wiped out every last one. All that was left in the wreckage were their unrecognizable bodies, bullet casings still warm from the chamber, and the lingering aroma of tomatoes which the town was affectionately named after. 

I was making my way from the forest line to a small grouping of houses when all of a sudden, a bright light filled the void around me. I dropped to the floor and my ears rang with an awful, inescapable hissing (Basically, just imagine getting hit with a flashbang in Call of Duty). When my vision was finally restored, I could only see a dark silhouette approaching. It was hard to make out the details, but I recognized it. It was the man from earlier! The man who unloaded clips into the earth and tried to snipe with a shotgun… The default skin. I understood the fate that lied ahead. I didn’t think I would go out this way, but I guess it’s really only the lucky few that get to leave this place on their own terms. I took in one last deep breath. He pulled the trigger. I plunged into darkness. May the angels keep watch over my lifeless body as my killer flosses over it. My defiled transition is my journey to take, and mine alone. I took off my headset and turned off my xbox. There was much to ponder about life... but even more to ponder about my lack of victory royales.