When it comes to addiction, man, I’ve been to hell and back. First cigarettes, then weed, then heroin, even ketamine. I still remember my first time doing cocaine, the tingle of my lips, being more aware than ever, viciously beating my dog Rufus to a pulp. You see, I started drugs to try to connect with my dad. He’s not around, but he died of an overdose so there’s that. 

               My drug journey has been a long one. And while all this addiction experience may make you think I am an expert, still, to this day, I simply cannot get addicted to anything. My therapist told me this could be because of my inability to hold passion or commitment towards anything besides my own personal gain. I guess you could say I am addicted to masturbating to money and power. Nevertheless, it has really been eating at me recently. I just want to be like those white rappers with tattoos. 

               Instead, I am constantly getting out of rehab centers for attempting to solicit drugs (and sex) from those cliquey crackheads at Better Horizons. I am currently taking suggestions via email (miami.johnson@unc.edu). Thank you, now I have to go message my underage girlfriend from the Philippines whom I met on wedeliverwives.com.