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To: Tony’s House of Pepperoni Listserv

From: Randy McSuede (McSuede@THOP.net) 

Subject: My mistake RE: Favor
Hi all, 

I apologize for the recent email I accidentally sent to everybody. It was only meant for Tony. If you have yet to read said email, please do not scroll down, I beg. I obviously didn’t notice the email address autofilled to the entire listserv when typing in Tony. 

Happy trails,

The Ran Man

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Forwarded Message:

To: Tony’s House of Pepperoni Listserv

From: Randy McSuede (McSuede@THOP.net)

Subject: Favor

Hi Tony,

My name is Randy McSuede, I work in your Lancaster location and have been the THOP Deli Director for the past two elections. Before my promotion, I served under the tutelage of Meat Master Robert Focaccia Jr. You may remember him from his appearance on the jumbotron at that one game.

I come to you not on my hands and feet begging for a favor, but providing you with a fruitful business opportunity. Tell me Tony, have you ever been playing fetch and wished your cat had the British charm that comes with a nice bowl cut? Have you ever been outside cleaning  your dog and wished they had the British charm that comes with a royal parliament wig? What about the British charm that comes with your bunny wearing a bald cap? That is why tonight I ask you for a humble investment of $12,000 for 5% equity in my company, PetWigs™ (not my trademark).

When you wake up in 30 years, you don’t want to kick yourself for missing out on the best thing since sliced pepperoni. Now, you’re probably wondering where this money would be going towards. Even though that's a pretty invasive question, and I don’t like discussing my finances with strangers, I’ll tell you and only you. I was accepted to pitch PetWigs™ (not my trademark) on a new YouTube Red show called Fish Tank. As I’m sure you’ve already heard, the Fish Tank boasts a panel of highly successful business executives looking to throw their cash at the next great idea—the investors are Flo Rida, an heir to the Kleenex estate, and Michael Richards as the 'Mr. Wonderful' character. Even though the show invited me on, I can't afford the train ride to their studio in Salt Lake City. This is where your money comes in. I will use your investment to buy a train ticket, then spend the rest on train-related expenses. If you don’t invest in wigs for pets, think about all the pups and kits that won’t get a boost in self-esteem… shame on you. Be on the right side of history.

Have a pepperoni day!

Randy McSuede, Deli Director

P.S. Don’t tell anyone this, but I completely stole the idea from a comment Meat Master Robert Focaccia Jr. made in passing.

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