What’s the difference between snowboys and snowgirls? 

Snowballs… and snowgirls only make $0.77 for every dollar snowboys make.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 had several outstanding warrants for slapping other numbers on their asymptotes without consent.

A chicken and an egg are having rough, sloppy, every-option-on-the-table sex… who comes first?

I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy... and I am deathly afraid of Italians. A gabagool sounds like a really scary ghost, and you can’t tell me otherwise.

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it… or sign it up for Dance Moms or one of those scary Russian dance companies like in John Wick 3… I don’t know, it’s an inanimate object. What do you want me to say?

Dad, did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut...for the military. My platoon’s finally being deployed. See you in another life, sonnie.